Last night was my son's junior high spring orchestra concert. (He plays the cello!) I'm glad we weren't sitting in the row behind us, because a woman next to us held up this giant tablet computer over her head, so she could record the whole thing!!!

I mean this was no little video camera, this was a big, wide moniter, bigger than the tv we had in my house when I was a kid! You could see the ripples going back for rows, as people behind her had to adjust their necks and chairs to see around it. And she left it there the whole concert! My arms would have fallen off!

No one said anything! I guess they could still watch the concert on the screen!

Please tell me this isn't a trend! I thought we only had to worry about sitting behind really tall people or people with really big hair! Now you have to look out for the lady with the Jumbo-Tron?

Our still un-named puppy is spending a little more time in her crate! Lisa announced "I've had enough!" after cleaning up the latest mess on the carpet! (Note to our landlord: this is not the same "Bruce" who rented your house. That's another guy. This has nothing to do with him, so don't worry about anything.  P.S. The bathroom drain leaks a little bit.)

Anyway, don't worry, she's getting plenty of fun play time both in and outdoors, but not so much run-of-the-house unsupervised time, which was when the little surprises were popping up. Fortunately, she likes her cozy little dog crate, and naps happily in there. We're working on potty training by rewarding her with a treat when she "goes" outside!

Nap, play and somebody gives you a reward for going to the bathroom! Not a bad life, I'd say!

Okay, I'm not sure which one of you is clogging the toilet every single day, but let me tell you a few things: It's me who has to unplug it every time, and believe me, it doesn't look anything like this nice, clean clip-art picture by the time there have been 4 or 5 "dud" flushes.

I don't know what you people are doing that's causing this to happen, but let me count for you the exact number of times that I have plugged up a toilet in my entire life: Zero. Not once. Never. And yet a measurable portion of my adult life (maybe 10%) has been spent hunched over pumping and sloshing away at somebody else's disgusting mess.

So, beginning today, the following rules will apply:

1. Eat more fiber or smaller portions or something. Jeez!

2. You will be issued 5 (five) sheets of quality toilet tissue each day. That should be enough for anyone! Why do you need more than that?

3. New rule: You plug it, you un-plug it. Don't just walk away, and hope it will magically unclog the next time somebody else uses it.

4. Then clean it! Have you seen it after it's been plugged?

5. If the water is getting close to the rim, shut the water off! Either take the back lid off and pull up the float, or turn off the water valve underneath! Now!

6. I will give you each 1 (one) lesson on this long-lost art, using my years of expertise as my guide.

Okay, I'm done. I'd like to promise* you, once again that this will be my final blog post about toilets.

* "I'd like to" renders this promise pretty much meaningless.